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| Contact/bloggin it up... all in your face. |
| So, this is where I'll be talking about cool things, maybe a little blog here or there, but overall this is where to get in touch with me. e-mail me @ tiffany@tiffadoodles.com or myspace me @ www.myspace.com/tiffadoodles |
7-7-08 First video blog! Woot!
it might also be the ONLY video blog... i haven't really decided much. anyway, hey guys. i
thought it was high time to make an other one of these. so a lot has happened since the
last blog. mostly my best friend of over five years now just got married. it was a big deal.
i was the maid of honor and did the flowers and other stuff, and tried to help as much as
i could. and by "help as much as i could", i mean "i planned a surprise dance for her with
our other best friend".... which, i guess, makes that sentence read out as " i was the maid
of honor and did the flowers and tried to i planned a surprise dance for her with our
other best friend".... but hey, its my website. i can.. not..be...made..sense.. as much as... i
don't .. not ..want ... to....?
anyway, the whole thing was so much fun. mostly because my friends are great and we
always have as much fun as possible. the day started off at 8... in the morning!!... i woke
up, and went with dorothy to go get her hurr did. after that we all got ready and took the
limo over to the place where they were getting married. dorothy got her makeup done,
and then i had to help her put on her dress. now, this was a tiny room.. or hallway, that
we were doing this in, and out of fear of anyone walking in, i suggested that she put on
the dress over her clothes, and take them off while she was all covered. it actually
worked out great because she slipped right in, and was able to take off her shirt, and i
never had to see boobies. see, dorothy and i are super close, but we have never been
the type to say " oh, well, you're a girl, and I'm a girl, so its all good to get all naked and
prance around, and share dressing rooms in malls and shit" i have NEVER understood
that. in fact i'm not really cool with being naked in front of anyone. i'm REALLY modest.
only two people have ever seen me naked in my adult life, and that comes down to my
female doctor, and my husband. both of which still make me nervous, hahaha. anyway,
so, she was all in her dress, and beautiful, and we didn't really think anything more about
it.. until way later on that day, when i had to help her prop up her dress so she could pee,
and then found out that she had been wearing her shorts under the dress all freaking
day. she is awesome. this is us:
thought it was high time to make an other one of these. so a lot has happened since the
last blog. mostly my best friend of over five years now just got married. it was a big deal.
i was the maid of honor and did the flowers and other stuff, and tried to help as much as
i could. and by "help as much as i could", i mean "i planned a surprise dance for her with
our other best friend".... which, i guess, makes that sentence read out as " i was the maid
of honor and did the flowers and tried to i planned a surprise dance for her with our
other best friend".... but hey, its my website. i can.. not..be...made..sense.. as much as... i
don't .. not ..want ... to....?
anyway, the whole thing was so much fun. mostly because my friends are great and we
always have as much fun as possible. the day started off at 8... in the morning!!... i woke
up, and went with dorothy to go get her hurr did. after that we all got ready and took the
limo over to the place where they were getting married. dorothy got her makeup done,
and then i had to help her put on her dress. now, this was a tiny room.. or hallway, that
we were doing this in, and out of fear of anyone walking in, i suggested that she put on
the dress over her clothes, and take them off while she was all covered. it actually
worked out great because she slipped right in, and was able to take off her shirt, and i
never had to see boobies. see, dorothy and i are super close, but we have never been
the type to say " oh, well, you're a girl, and I'm a girl, so its all good to get all naked and
prance around, and share dressing rooms in malls and shit" i have NEVER understood
that. in fact i'm not really cool with being naked in front of anyone. i'm REALLY modest.
only two people have ever seen me naked in my adult life, and that comes down to my
female doctor, and my husband. both of which still make me nervous, hahaha. anyway,
so, she was all in her dress, and beautiful, and we didn't really think anything more about
it.. until way later on that day, when i had to help her prop up her dress so she could pee,
and then found out that she had been wearing her shorts under the dress all freaking
day. she is awesome. this is us:
thats david (or skipper), dorothy, and myself, and we have an awesome friendship. we
are always laughing... mostly at the most retarded things you could ever imagine, but
seriously, i freaking love these guys. in fact, this was the one picture we took without
laughing. this is pretty much what the other ones were like:
are always laughing... mostly at the most retarded things you could ever imagine, but
seriously, i freaking love these guys. in fact, this was the one picture we took without
laughing. this is pretty much what the other ones were like:
this is my favourite picture of us. i mean, none of us look our best because were all
laughing, but its like our friendship... it may not be pretty, but its us. dorothy did a good
job with the rest of the pictures, she had to take a crapload. so the rest of us had to
keep ourselves entertained. to skip and i, this meant singing the batman song and
replacing some of the words with swamp... inside joke, and one that i REALLY don't want
to explain... but we were doing this for a long time, thinking that no one could hear us...
we were wrong.. very wrong. the one person that overheard us was the only person that
could capture that moment forever: the photographer. she turned around and snapped
some shots before skip ever knew she was taking them. i saw her turn around, and
starting busting up, realizing that she was listening the whole time. honestly, i'm
wondering what she was thinking.. something like " what the hell is that?... oh, those two
retards are singing something..... is that the batman song?!?.. i better get this, it has to be
good". anyway, this is the first one. david is still singing, and i ham up because i saw her
turn around:
laughing, but its like our friendship... it may not be pretty, but its us. dorothy did a good
job with the rest of the pictures, she had to take a crapload. so the rest of us had to
keep ourselves entertained. to skip and i, this meant singing the batman song and
replacing some of the words with swamp... inside joke, and one that i REALLY don't want
to explain... but we were doing this for a long time, thinking that no one could hear us...
we were wrong.. very wrong. the one person that overheard us was the only person that
could capture that moment forever: the photographer. she turned around and snapped
some shots before skip ever knew she was taking them. i saw her turn around, and
starting busting up, realizing that she was listening the whole time. honestly, i'm
wondering what she was thinking.. something like " what the hell is that?... oh, those two
retards are singing something..... is that the batman song?!?.. i better get this, it has to be
good". anyway, this is the first one. david is still singing, and i ham up because i saw her
turn around:
then i said something to the effect of "oh my god she heard us!" laughed hysterically,
and david turned around only to have her capture him saying "whaaa?":
and david turned around only to have her capture him saying "whaaa?":
and this is the two photoshopped together because it looks better this way:
thats probably what it looked like the other five minutes that we weren't being
photographed. david and i are just dorks when we hang out. see, i think that dorothy
can get as stupid as us when she really lets go, but on the whole, she is a little more...
normal. david and i, on the other hand, bonded over video games. and it wasn't even
a " oh lets hang out and play video games together" type thing. no. we took it a step
further. it was a " lets hang out and watch each other play video games" type thing.
see, david and i respect talent in the video game world. and both of us have a lot of
talent when it comes to our own forte games. like me, i am awesome at ocarina of
time... my big claim to fame is that i can teach you how to beat the water temple over
the phone. no joke, i've done it before. and not even just from start to finish! if you're
completely lost, and can't find a key, or stopped playing for a while, and picked it back
up and found yourself in the middle of the water temple, i can get you back on track. I
did that years ago when my husband called me in the middle of a big family dinner ..
like, thanksgiving or something, to ask me what to do. it took me three minutes to get
him figured out, and in the right spot. its not just the water temple, i have the whole
game memorized like that, but anyone who has ever played the game knows that thats
the one to brag about.
then there's skipper. he can beat almost any resident evil game in under two hours,
without saving. here's a screenshot of just that:
photographed. david and i are just dorks when we hang out. see, i think that dorothy
can get as stupid as us when she really lets go, but on the whole, she is a little more...
normal. david and i, on the other hand, bonded over video games. and it wasn't even
a " oh lets hang out and play video games together" type thing. no. we took it a step
further. it was a " lets hang out and watch each other play video games" type thing.
see, david and i respect talent in the video game world. and both of us have a lot of
talent when it comes to our own forte games. like me, i am awesome at ocarina of
time... my big claim to fame is that i can teach you how to beat the water temple over
the phone. no joke, i've done it before. and not even just from start to finish! if you're
completely lost, and can't find a key, or stopped playing for a while, and picked it back
up and found yourself in the middle of the water temple, i can get you back on track. I
did that years ago when my husband called me in the middle of a big family dinner ..
like, thanksgiving or something, to ask me what to do. it took me three minutes to get
him figured out, and in the right spot. its not just the water temple, i have the whole
game memorized like that, but anyone who has ever played the game knows that thats
the one to brag about.
then there's skipper. he can beat almost any resident evil game in under two hours,
without saving. here's a screenshot of just that:
enough said. so back in
the day we would call each
other up and say " do you
wanna come over and
watch me beat resident
evil?",.. "fuck yeah i do!!!
i'll call pizza!!"
by the way david, we totally
need to start doing that
again.
the day we would call each
other up and say " do you
wanna come over and
watch me beat resident
evil?",.. "fuck yeah i do!!!
i'll call pizza!!"
by the way david, we totally
need to start doing that
again.
so anyways, no normal friendship can come out of that foundation. so when dorothy
got married, david and i got to planning the best wedding gift we could give:
public embarrassment:
got married, david and i got to planning the best wedding gift we could give:
public embarrassment:
it was our way of saying "we love you enough to ruin our image in front of hundreds of
people you know and love, just to entertain you with a dance mix of a million inside jokes
that we've made throughout the years" i love how you can see her laughing the whole
time, and trying to explain it to her husband. he's a cool guy...
.... poor thing, he's stuck with us now.
people you know and love, just to entertain you with a dance mix of a million inside jokes
that we've made throughout the years" i love how you can see her laughing the whole
time, and trying to explain it to her husband. he's a cool guy...
.... poor thing, he's stuck with us now.
8-16-08 My bad luck, and misshapen body
i am SO awkward!!!! BLLLLAAAAAAARRRRGGGG!!!!!! i am totally used to it most of the
time, but sometimes it bugs the shit out of me ... sad face... i'm constantly talking to
myself, and to make matters worse, i look awkward... really awkward. i can't help it, i
have really long limbs that just get in the way, and i never know what to do with my
stupid big hands. they are actually much longer than my husbands, and he is a good 8
inches taller than me. i'm really glad i have this website, because without it, i think i
would have no self esteem. hahahaha. well, ok, maybe its not just this website, but i
would be absolutely screwed without my sense of humor. mostly because i'm laughing
at myself 90% of the time, which is awesome because if i didn't laugh, i'd probably be
crying. i have really bad luck sometimes, and not the horrible sad type of bad luck, but
the really inconvenient and REALLY funny kind. let me explain: i have gone through
four pairs of work pants in the last two years. this is due to the short crotch life of these
pants, which i really don't get by the way. i'm not a big girl, i mean, i'm not super skinny
either but i'm not putting my pants through any sort of punishment by any means.
actually, i think it might be quite the opposite, i think that because i have a complete
lack of ass, my pants sag more than normal, which leads to extra strain on my pants'
crotchy area when i sit down. whatever the reason is, its stupid that i've been tearing
through them at the rate i have been. it was so much, that i didn' have an extra pair for
the past couple of months. i was only using one pair, and was starting to get a tiny hole
in the crotch area, but thought nothing of it, given that it was really tiny at the time. well,
last week, i was running late for work, and putting on my pants in a bit of a scramble.
mistake. i ended up hooking my toe in the tiny crotch hole, and completely tearing the
crotch to crotchdom come. so lets recap: i'm late, i only have one pair of work pants,
and i just made a woman out of them. so i thought "well, maybe its not bad, i just wont
bend over today," but of course i was wrong. i finished buttoning up, and looked in the
mirror at what used to be the back of my pants, only to find my ass crack-staring back at
me. awesome. i didn't have time to go out and get new ones, so i went digging through
my dresser for some magical cure. and then i found it! a pair of black leggings for an
80's party that i went to. so i cut them into shorts, and wore them under my pants. i
freaking macgyvered myself a new pair of pants, and no one was the wiser.
time, but sometimes it bugs the shit out of me ... sad face... i'm constantly talking to
myself, and to make matters worse, i look awkward... really awkward. i can't help it, i
have really long limbs that just get in the way, and i never know what to do with my
stupid big hands. they are actually much longer than my husbands, and he is a good 8
inches taller than me. i'm really glad i have this website, because without it, i think i
would have no self esteem. hahahaha. well, ok, maybe its not just this website, but i
would be absolutely screwed without my sense of humor. mostly because i'm laughing
at myself 90% of the time, which is awesome because if i didn't laugh, i'd probably be
crying. i have really bad luck sometimes, and not the horrible sad type of bad luck, but
the really inconvenient and REALLY funny kind. let me explain: i have gone through
four pairs of work pants in the last two years. this is due to the short crotch life of these
pants, which i really don't get by the way. i'm not a big girl, i mean, i'm not super skinny
either but i'm not putting my pants through any sort of punishment by any means.
actually, i think it might be quite the opposite, i think that because i have a complete
lack of ass, my pants sag more than normal, which leads to extra strain on my pants'
crotchy area when i sit down. whatever the reason is, its stupid that i've been tearing
through them at the rate i have been. it was so much, that i didn' have an extra pair for
the past couple of months. i was only using one pair, and was starting to get a tiny hole
in the crotch area, but thought nothing of it, given that it was really tiny at the time. well,
last week, i was running late for work, and putting on my pants in a bit of a scramble.
mistake. i ended up hooking my toe in the tiny crotch hole, and completely tearing the
crotch to crotchdom come. so lets recap: i'm late, i only have one pair of work pants,
and i just made a woman out of them. so i thought "well, maybe its not bad, i just wont
bend over today," but of course i was wrong. i finished buttoning up, and looked in the
mirror at what used to be the back of my pants, only to find my ass crack-staring back at
me. awesome. i didn't have time to go out and get new ones, so i went digging through
my dresser for some magical cure. and then i found it! a pair of black leggings for an
80's party that i went to. so i cut them into shorts, and wore them under my pants. i
freaking macgyvered myself a new pair of pants, and no one was the wiser.
so, these:
plus these:
equals my ass not hanging out for everyone to see!!
huzzah!
huzzah!
i freaking love the very first picture. thats what happened after i told skipper that i
was going to take a picture of my pants combo for this blog, but didn't want to take a
picture of me with the ripped pants on, because the whole point of the shorts was that
no one could see my ass at work with them on, so i wasn't about to bare my ass for all
internets to see ( and when i said "my ass at work" i meant no one could see my ass at
my place of employment, not that no one could see my ass "at work"....
i don't think i could acheive that if i tried). so, he said " you should take a picture
THROUGH the hole. as if the hole in your pants was giving birth to the picture"...
sold... well put skipper, you had me at "birth".
also, those bottom pictures are kinda weird for me to see, given that i haven't worn
shorts out of the house since 2002, so i don't have any pictures in them. i dont mind
my legs at all, actually i rather like them. i walk a lot at work, so they're really in-shape,
i would just rather not show them. but for the sake of making this blog all the more
funny with a visual aid, i think it makes it worth it. however, i noticed a little something
when i was looking over the pictures i took for this. that little something was this:
was going to take a picture of my pants combo for this blog, but didn't want to take a
picture of me with the ripped pants on, because the whole point of the shorts was that
no one could see my ass at work with them on, so i wasn't about to bare my ass for all
internets to see ( and when i said "my ass at work" i meant no one could see my ass at
my place of employment, not that no one could see my ass "at work"....
i don't think i could acheive that if i tried). so, he said " you should take a picture
THROUGH the hole. as if the hole in your pants was giving birth to the picture"...
sold... well put skipper, you had me at "birth".
also, those bottom pictures are kinda weird for me to see, given that i haven't worn
shorts out of the house since 2002, so i don't have any pictures in them. i dont mind
my legs at all, actually i rather like them. i walk a lot at work, so they're really in-shape,
i would just rather not show them. but for the sake of making this blog all the more
funny with a visual aid, i think it makes it worth it. however, i noticed a little something
when i was looking over the pictures i took for this. that little something was this:
okay..... what the eff? why are my arms backwards? see, i thought i was gonna take
a cute little picture with my arms out as if i were saying "look what i did!"... but it
looks more like "i'm an abomination!!". i've always known that my arms bend back
more than normal when i spread them out like that, but i had no idea that it looked
like my arms were put on upside down.
so there you go world, lets all take a moment out to laugh at my misshapen body, so
its not just me doing it :).
a cute little picture with my arms out as if i were saying "look what i did!"... but it
looks more like "i'm an abomination!!". i've always known that my arms bend back
more than normal when i spread them out like that, but i had no idea that it looked
like my arms were put on upside down.
so there you go world, lets all take a moment out to laugh at my misshapen body, so
its not just me doing it :).
9-02-08 Me and my friends are awesomely stupid.
i had this last saturday off, which never happens unless i request it, so i was pretty
stoked. so i planned up a day of hanging out with all of my closest friends. now, most
young people would have a saturday off and spend it drinking, or partying, or trying
to get sum of dat ass. what did me and my friends do? well, i'm about to tell you... but
i warn you, its not going to be pretty....
well, at first dorothy and i hung out watching tv, then skipper came up. dorothy had
to go check something out on her computer, and left a slinky out on the table. so
skip and i flocked to the slinky like it was not a slinky. I said something along the
lines of "if only there were some stairs around here..." then we both realized that we
had to climb stairs to get into dorothy's house. so skipper grabbed my camera, i
grabbed the slinky, and we bolted.
stoked. so i planned up a day of hanging out with all of my closest friends. now, most
young people would have a saturday off and spend it drinking, or partying, or trying
to get sum of dat ass. what did me and my friends do? well, i'm about to tell you... but
i warn you, its not going to be pretty....
well, at first dorothy and i hung out watching tv, then skipper came up. dorothy had
to go check something out on her computer, and left a slinky out on the table. so
skip and i flocked to the slinky like it was not a slinky. I said something along the
lines of "if only there were some stairs around here..." then we both realized that we
had to climb stairs to get into dorothy's house. so skipper grabbed my camera, i
grabbed the slinky, and we bolted.
...and of course, dorothy's
slinky tackled those stairs like
it was not a slinky...
it just fell down them...
biggest letdown ever.
i've never had my heart broken by metal before that day...
anyway, dorothy got done with stuff on her computer, and came out with some board
games that we were going to play when her husband came home, and my friend
cynthia came over. now, once again, most people would look at the choice of games
and go straight for scattegories, what did we go for? barrel of monkeys! so we
looked at the instructions, noticed it said to "best your best time", and decided that
we were going to do just that. so i dumped out the monkeys on the table, and
frantically started picking them up. only, i got a little too free and easy with my last
monkey, and... well.... this happened:
anyway, dorothy got done with stuff on her computer, and came out with some board
games that we were going to play when her husband came home, and my friend
cynthia came over. now, once again, most people would look at the choice of games
and go straight for scattegories, what did we go for? barrel of monkeys! so we
looked at the instructions, noticed it said to "best your best time", and decided that
we were going to do just that. so i dumped out the monkeys on the table, and
frantically started picking them up. only, i got a little too free and easy with my last
monkey, and... well.... this happened:
It picked up my camera!!!! with its legs!!!!
but then i remembered that i was supposed to be besting my best time, and decided
the show must go on:
but then i remembered that i was supposed to be besting my best time, and decided
the show must go on:
i continued to link the monkeys
with the camera string. which was
the most unstable thing ever
given that it was swinging the
weight of my camera around. i
couldn't get a still picture of it.
with the camera string. which was
the most unstable thing ever
given that it was swinging the
weight of my camera around. i
couldn't get a still picture of it.
i actually got down to two
monkeys at one point.
now if that isn't besting
my best time, i don't know
what is.
monkeys at one point.
now if that isn't besting
my best time, i don't know
what is.
we ended up giving up on the monkeys after this last shot, and played scattergories
until dorothy and brian went to bed. then cyn, skip, and i went up to the casino. now,
i know that sounds like normal adult fun, but we only gambled fo like 5 minutes before
cyn and i realized that our old co-worker was working in the restaurant section. i
don't think i can get away with not describing our old co-worker. his name is shiraz,
and he is an arminian from lebanon, he has only just learned english in the last 5
years or so since he's been in america, and he is awesome. he was my favorite
person to work with because of how mad he got, his english, plus he was just
hilarious, and fun to make fun of. basically, to make a shiraz, take one part borat, one
part balki from perfect strangers, and one part anger and mix it together with a pinch
of cockiness. so we got to eat in his section, and when it came time for us to pay out,
we wrote him an note on the receipt. we were trying to figure out what to write, and
decided that "we heart you shiraz" would be fine. we actually drew out the heart, and
then i said that he might not know was our american symbol for a heart is, so we made
another note that said "we (picture of a camel) you shiraz"... perfect.
so when we got done with eating, i made a joke about sitting in skippers truck, and
looking at stars...only we were in cynthia's car. but we decided to try an find a park or
something on our way through the foothills. then she noticed that we were passing
"lost lake", so we turned in to the drive , and made our way. well, this was around
midnight, and there was no moon, so it was really dark , and really easy to get scared.
especially given the fact that there was no light, and there was some large man
holding something big, and just looking into the lake.... not moving... being creepy...
we decided that was our time to leave. but not before skipper told us the story of
how at lost lake "three sexy teens were murdered a hundred years ago, on this same
night". it was great. so, we got back into town and went to a safer park. now, most
young people wouldn't be at the park to begin with, but if they were they would be
drinking in the park at midnight, or doing it in the park at midnight. what did we do?
we made shadow puppets in the park, at midnight.. shadow puppets.... of dinosaurs...
while singing the jarassic park theme song.
so what did we learn today? most likely nothing. but if anything you've learned that
A: i'm really lame
B: my friends are equally as lame
C: I'm easily amused
D: how to make a shiraz
E: not to go to lost lake at night, unless you want to get haunted by the ghosts of
three sexy teens.
until dorothy and brian went to bed. then cyn, skip, and i went up to the casino. now,
i know that sounds like normal adult fun, but we only gambled fo like 5 minutes before
cyn and i realized that our old co-worker was working in the restaurant section. i
don't think i can get away with not describing our old co-worker. his name is shiraz,
and he is an arminian from lebanon, he has only just learned english in the last 5
years or so since he's been in america, and he is awesome. he was my favorite
person to work with because of how mad he got, his english, plus he was just
hilarious, and fun to make fun of. basically, to make a shiraz, take one part borat, one
part balki from perfect strangers, and one part anger and mix it together with a pinch
of cockiness. so we got to eat in his section, and when it came time for us to pay out,
we wrote him an note on the receipt. we were trying to figure out what to write, and
decided that "we heart you shiraz" would be fine. we actually drew out the heart, and
then i said that he might not know was our american symbol for a heart is, so we made
another note that said "we (picture of a camel) you shiraz"... perfect.
so when we got done with eating, i made a joke about sitting in skippers truck, and
looking at stars...only we were in cynthia's car. but we decided to try an find a park or
something on our way through the foothills. then she noticed that we were passing
"lost lake", so we turned in to the drive , and made our way. well, this was around
midnight, and there was no moon, so it was really dark , and really easy to get scared.
especially given the fact that there was no light, and there was some large man
holding something big, and just looking into the lake.... not moving... being creepy...
we decided that was our time to leave. but not before skipper told us the story of
how at lost lake "three sexy teens were murdered a hundred years ago, on this same
night". it was great. so, we got back into town and went to a safer park. now, most
young people wouldn't be at the park to begin with, but if they were they would be
drinking in the park at midnight, or doing it in the park at midnight. what did we do?
we made shadow puppets in the park, at midnight.. shadow puppets.... of dinosaurs...
while singing the jarassic park theme song.
so what did we learn today? most likely nothing. but if anything you've learned that
A: i'm really lame
B: my friends are equally as lame
C: I'm easily amused
D: how to make a shiraz
E: not to go to lost lake at night, unless you want to get haunted by the ghosts of
three sexy teens.
11-24-08 The bane of my internet existence.
hey guys, i know its been a while, and i'm super sorry. i also know that i've been
promising an certain webstore to be open that isn't, and i'm even more sorry for
that. i'm more sorry because that means i'm still working on the fucker. i only have
one word to say about that : GRRR. but i won't bore you about the details, just know
that i'm working hard, and it'll be up when i can get it up. until then, consider my
feathers ruffled... to say the least... the fuckin least...fuck.
you'll notice that i haven't blogged in a bit as well, this is due to my new found hate
of everything computer, so let me catch you guys up. First of all, halloween
happened. that was kinda fun. i had to work though, and that was total lamesville.
but we got to dress up, and that made everything better. kinda. last year was cool, i
worked, and dressed up like velma from scooby doo. now, the only people that
come in to eat on halloween are people who dont care about/don't like halloween.
last year it was a bunch of old people, who grew up on scooby doo, so they loved
me. this year i wasn't something ancient as eff, so everyone hated me. everyone
was grumpy, and pissed off that we were all dressed up. it was swell. let me
back-track for a bit. i have to wear glasses at all time. can't take them off, or else
my eyes get fuck up..and i can't even wear contacts. so when i dress up for
halloween, i try and think about something that works with glasses. velma was
perfect, but i couldn't think of anything this year, and i never want to be that person
that is a flapper- with glasses, or a wizard-with glasses, or anything. i think the
glasses just ruin the whole effect. so i was wondering what i should be... and was
still wondering the week of halloween. i was just going to be a ghost, y'know just a
sheet with holes cut-out for the eyes, and i was just going to put my glasses on over
that. i think i might still do that next year, because thats freaking classic, but this
year i thought of something better. i was telling my friend that i wanted to be link,
but the whole glasses thing ruined that. she asked me how it would ruin it, and i
answered with " it'll make me look all nerdy".... then it hit me, and i went out the next
day, and got the most fitting costume ever:
promising an certain webstore to be open that isn't, and i'm even more sorry for
that. i'm more sorry because that means i'm still working on the fucker. i only have
one word to say about that : GRRR. but i won't bore you about the details, just know
that i'm working hard, and it'll be up when i can get it up. until then, consider my
feathers ruffled... to say the least... the fuckin least...fuck.
you'll notice that i haven't blogged in a bit as well, this is due to my new found hate
of everything computer, so let me catch you guys up. First of all, halloween
happened. that was kinda fun. i had to work though, and that was total lamesville.
but we got to dress up, and that made everything better. kinda. last year was cool, i
worked, and dressed up like velma from scooby doo. now, the only people that
come in to eat on halloween are people who dont care about/don't like halloween.
last year it was a bunch of old people, who grew up on scooby doo, so they loved
me. this year i wasn't something ancient as eff, so everyone hated me. everyone
was grumpy, and pissed off that we were all dressed up. it was swell. let me
back-track for a bit. i have to wear glasses at all time. can't take them off, or else
my eyes get fuck up..and i can't even wear contacts. so when i dress up for
halloween, i try and think about something that works with glasses. velma was
perfect, but i couldn't think of anything this year, and i never want to be that person
that is a flapper- with glasses, or a wizard-with glasses, or anything. i think the
glasses just ruin the whole effect. so i was wondering what i should be... and was
still wondering the week of halloween. i was just going to be a ghost, y'know just a
sheet with holes cut-out for the eyes, and i was just going to put my glasses on over
that. i think i might still do that next year, because thats freaking classic, but this
year i thought of something better. i was telling my friend that i wanted to be link,
but the whole glasses thing ruined that. she asked me how it would ruin it, and i
answered with " it'll make me look all nerdy".... then it hit me, and i went out the next
day, and got the most fitting costume ever:
| I WAS A FA'REAL NERD!!!!!!!!!! |
it was awesome!!! i had a spinner hat, and high wadder pants that went up above my
belly button, and a fanny pack, and freckles annnnnnddddd!!:::::
belly button, and a fanny pack, and freckles annnnnnddddd!!:::::
a freaking wedgie!!!
those are my initials
on my undies by the
by. i thought was a
spendid touch.
honestly, i don't
how my tables didn't
love me... i even
went out and
bought some magik
the gathering cards,
and put them in the
check presenters
when i gave people
their bills. but
customers hated
me!!! they didn't say
a damn thing about
it, and acted as if i
wasn't dressed up!!
i mean, i could
understand if they
knew me and knew i
really am a big nerd
and just thought
they'd ignore my
costume to be
funny, and ask "why
didn't you dress
up", but these
people weren't that
clever... they were
just shitty.
those are my initials
on my undies by the
by. i thought was a
spendid touch.
honestly, i don't
how my tables didn't
love me... i even
went out and
bought some magik
the gathering cards,
and put them in the
check presenters
when i gave people
their bills. but
customers hated
me!!! they didn't say
a damn thing about
it, and acted as if i
wasn't dressed up!!
i mean, i could
understand if they
knew me and knew i
really am a big nerd
and just thought
they'd ignore my
costume to be
funny, and ask "why
didn't you dress
up", but these
people weren't that
clever... they were
just shitty.
but all my co-workers loved it. and i want to get a little more bang for my buck on the
costume, so heres more of it:
costume, so heres more of it:
freckles!
wedgie!!
(and ewok...
i forgot
about that)
(and ewok...
i forgot
about that)
| super glasses adjusting powers!!! |
I was told that i had the second best costume... behind this guy:
| the guy on the left is a waiter named adam, and dressed like the guy on the right, who is a cook named chris( also known as making meat awesome man!). i was flabberghasted!!! we thought chris was out on the floor all night because adam looked so much like him. he didn't tell anyone he was doing it, he just showed up like that!!! it was hilarious. |
that was basically the night. servers were fun. tables were canned doo-doo.
now, my mother was told that i was to be born on halloween. but i wasn't. i was born
two days after, on the day of the dead. i started life off pretty metal, right?
so that means i just had a birthday as well. my heathen 21st birthday. which was just a
normal birthday for me... i didn't really do anything. i know, i know, "WHAT?!! you didn't
go out and get totally fuckin smashed?!?!?@?@!?#?#?$12/?!!?" no, i didn't. for two
reasons:
1) I was startin' to get really sick. its a great thing that i didn't drink because i still
ended up coughing and sneezing up straight up BLOODY ASS BLOOD for like five days
in a row. i had wicked throat and sinus infection or something. i don't have insurance,
so i'll never know, but my throat had little white spots all over it, and i had all this
horrible pressure in my head that only got better when i sneezed out blood... or it got
worse when i sneezed out blood... it was a toss-up, but either way- I WAS SNEEZING UP
BLOOD!! who does that?!?!
2) I don't drink. thats the main reason. i just don't. i live a very tame life. never been
drunk, or high, and i've only ever had sex with one guy, and i'm married to him. i guess
i wasn't really planning on letting you guys know that... and now i feel kinda weird... i
don't know. i guess i feel like you might not think i'm "as cool" or whatever because i
of how lame i really am. i feel like people judge you more for not drinking than for
drinking too much. but its the same ol me. i can still be funny and cool...ok, i was
never cool, but i can still be whatever i am. and don't worry, i'm not one of those super
judgey people who curse everyone who drinks. my friends all will have an occasional
drink, and i'm cool with it. hell, i'll even drive them home. i just choose not to. mostly
everyone drinks in my family, and starts drinking at an early age, but i have a lot of self
control. ive been with my husband for 7 years now, and he smokes all the time, but i've
never picked it up. i love him and look up to him and see him as my other half and
want to share every part of my life with him, and yet have never picked up smoking,
even though i'm around it everyday. i have a lot of will-power. which is strange. I
don't judge my family at all. in fact a part of me aches to be like them because they all
have a kinship that i feel i will never know. they all laugh and love together, and seem
so happy to be in that euphoric state together as-well- a family. i just fear that if i start
down that road, i'll loose the self control that i hold on to so dearly. it really sucks too,
because it really cuts into my relationships with them... i don't know, i guess it really
comes down to....wait...
whoah!!!
wait- this is supposed to be a funny website. when did i get so serious!!?!!? sorry
guys!?!
poop.
there back on track. what else, what else? OH! I went to my first renaissance faire!!!!
now, my mother was told that i was to be born on halloween. but i wasn't. i was born
two days after, on the day of the dead. i started life off pretty metal, right?
so that means i just had a birthday as well. my heathen 21st birthday. which was just a
normal birthday for me... i didn't really do anything. i know, i know, "WHAT?!! you didn't
go out and get totally fuckin smashed?!?!?@?@!?#?#?$12/?!!?" no, i didn't. for two
reasons:
1) I was startin' to get really sick. its a great thing that i didn't drink because i still
ended up coughing and sneezing up straight up BLOODY ASS BLOOD for like five days
in a row. i had wicked throat and sinus infection or something. i don't have insurance,
so i'll never know, but my throat had little white spots all over it, and i had all this
horrible pressure in my head that only got better when i sneezed out blood... or it got
worse when i sneezed out blood... it was a toss-up, but either way- I WAS SNEEZING UP
BLOOD!! who does that?!?!
2) I don't drink. thats the main reason. i just don't. i live a very tame life. never been
drunk, or high, and i've only ever had sex with one guy, and i'm married to him. i guess
i wasn't really planning on letting you guys know that... and now i feel kinda weird... i
don't know. i guess i feel like you might not think i'm "as cool" or whatever because i
of how lame i really am. i feel like people judge you more for not drinking than for
drinking too much. but its the same ol me. i can still be funny and cool...ok, i was
never cool, but i can still be whatever i am. and don't worry, i'm not one of those super
judgey people who curse everyone who drinks. my friends all will have an occasional
drink, and i'm cool with it. hell, i'll even drive them home. i just choose not to. mostly
everyone drinks in my family, and starts drinking at an early age, but i have a lot of self
control. ive been with my husband for 7 years now, and he smokes all the time, but i've
never picked it up. i love him and look up to him and see him as my other half and
want to share every part of my life with him, and yet have never picked up smoking,
even though i'm around it everyday. i have a lot of will-power. which is strange. I
don't judge my family at all. in fact a part of me aches to be like them because they all
have a kinship that i feel i will never know. they all laugh and love together, and seem
so happy to be in that euphoric state together as-well- a family. i just fear that if i start
down that road, i'll loose the self control that i hold on to so dearly. it really sucks too,
because it really cuts into my relationships with them... i don't know, i guess it really
comes down to....wait...
whoah!!!
wait- this is supposed to be a funny website. when did i get so serious!!?!!? sorry
guys!?!
poop.
there back on track. what else, what else? OH! I went to my first renaissance faire!!!!
It was heaven on
earth!!! i've never
felt so cool!!! and
and and- i got
invited into a guild!
an archery guild!!
i'm not going to join,
because i don't want
to drive to different
towns just for faires.
but i do want to get
a bow now. i was
good at it!! i guess
all those years of
gushing over link
really paid off, eh?
earth!!! i've never
felt so cool!!! and
and and- i got
invited into a guild!
an archery guild!!
i'm not going to join,
because i don't want
to drive to different
towns just for faires.
but i do want to get
a bow now. i was
good at it!! i guess
all those years of
gushing over link
really paid off, eh?
other than that i haven't been up to much.... wow, so i just admitted that i don't drink,
AND admitted to going to a renaissance faire.... goodbye half of my fans!!!
.....hello three hundred more pounds!!
AND admitted to going to a renaissance faire.... goodbye half of my fans!!!
.....hello three hundred more pounds!!
1-12-09 The haircut blog! brought to you in WIDESCREEEEEEN!
hellllllooooo all you beautiful people! how we all doing today? good? good. i have been working a shit-ton
lately, and have had no time for anything. but now here we are... time.... time enough for a blog.... i've missed
you guys.
so. as you may have heard, i just got my hair cut. its been over a year. now, i didn't just let my hair grow for
a year, that would be insane given that my hair grows faster than.... your face...? sorry guys, i just woke up,
and lack the capacity for a decent funny comparison. anyways, as i was saying, i didn't just let it grow, i did cut
it myself a few times, but this was the first time that i GOT it cut. big difference. one is me in my room with a
pair of orange handled handy scissors, and one is me having to pay for a haircut. i know that sounds really
cheap of me, but my hair is wavy, and if i cut it myself, you cant tell. so the last time i got my hair cut, i had the
girl layer it. which turned out awesome. ( i also had her give me bangs which turned me into a cartoon for the
five months it took them to grow out... in fact i blogged about that a little less than a year ago... i didn't make
that mistake again) so, as my hair became ridiculously long, i would just cut off the bottom layer. well,
recently, my hair had gotten down to my ass, and i had no more layers to cut off, and it made my hair look
really heavy, so i decided it was that time of year for a cut.
the day before i got my hair cut, i woke up and got ready to go out for the day and noticed that my hair
looked better than it had in months! i thought it was like my hair saying " see? look- i can be good, don't cut
me! i'll be awesome for you!" which was adorable.... i still cut it.... but my hair did remind me to take pictures
of how long it got, and how awesome it looked that day before i chopped a lot of it off:
lately, and have had no time for anything. but now here we are... time.... time enough for a blog.... i've missed
you guys.
so. as you may have heard, i just got my hair cut. its been over a year. now, i didn't just let my hair grow for
a year, that would be insane given that my hair grows faster than.... your face...? sorry guys, i just woke up,
and lack the capacity for a decent funny comparison. anyways, as i was saying, i didn't just let it grow, i did cut
it myself a few times, but this was the first time that i GOT it cut. big difference. one is me in my room with a
pair of orange handled handy scissors, and one is me having to pay for a haircut. i know that sounds really
cheap of me, but my hair is wavy, and if i cut it myself, you cant tell. so the last time i got my hair cut, i had the
girl layer it. which turned out awesome. ( i also had her give me bangs which turned me into a cartoon for the
five months it took them to grow out... in fact i blogged about that a little less than a year ago... i didn't make
that mistake again) so, as my hair became ridiculously long, i would just cut off the bottom layer. well,
recently, my hair had gotten down to my ass, and i had no more layers to cut off, and it made my hair look
really heavy, so i decided it was that time of year for a cut.
the day before i got my hair cut, i woke up and got ready to go out for the day and noticed that my hair
looked better than it had in months! i thought it was like my hair saying " see? look- i can be good, don't cut
me! i'll be awesome for you!" which was adorable.... i still cut it.... but my hair did remind me to take pictures
of how long it got, and how awesome it looked that day before i chopped a lot of it off:
now, don't pay attention to my grown out
roots, i'm letting my natural hair color
grow out. its already about six inches
along... which only took three and a half
months. but look at how long it got!!! it
actualy made me kinda sad to cut it,
because i've always loved my hair best
when its a little too long. so i didn't cut
much off the length, i just layered it.... but
as i took this picture, it inspired me to do
this blog, and show you all of the other
awesome things i could do with my hair
when it was this lengthy:
roots, i'm letting my natural hair color
grow out. its already about six inches
along... which only took three and a half
months. but look at how long it got!!! it
actualy made me kinda sad to cut it,
because i've always loved my hair best
when its a little too long. so i didn't cut
much off the length, i just layered it.... but
as i took this picture, it inspired me to do
this blog, and show you all of the other
awesome things i could do with my hair
when it was this lengthy:
I bring you:
| Tiffany's guide to hair, for retards! |
first, you must think of your hair as being no different than your gloves, or sweater, or in my case-blanket.
it is a source of warmth. lets go over how to use your hair as such:
it is a source of warmth. lets go over how to use your hair as such:
look at this girl. doesn"t she
look smart? she adjusts
those nerd girl glasses with
a sense of confidence
knowing that the harsh
california winter is not
getting her down. in this
case, she is using her hair as
the classic turtle neck.
bringing both volume, and
class to an already sharp
outfit. but if you don't feel
like layering your outfit in
such a bulky way, lets go
over some others.
look smart? she adjusts
those nerd girl glasses with
a sense of confidence
knowing that the harsh
california winter is not
getting her down. in this
case, she is using her hair as
the classic turtle neck.
bringing both volume, and
class to an already sharp
outfit. but if you don't feel
like layering your outfit in
such a bulky way, lets go
over some others.
The scarf:
a good scarf is a
great way to and an
extra flare to your
outfit, and keep your
neck warm at the
same time.
... hair scarves are no
different.
great way to and an
extra flare to your
outfit, and keep your
neck warm at the
same time.
... hair scarves are no
different.
The nip curtain:
ladies, we all know the feeling of
wondering if everyone can notice
that your nips are standing at
attention. well they can!
but with the nip curtain, you no
longer have to suffer through
trying to hide your pointage with
one arm, while trying to adjust your
purse strap to fit over the other.
feel free to roam about the frozen
food aisle for hours, even though
you've already found you fill of lean
pockets.
i give you- freedom!
wondering if everyone can notice
that your nips are standing at
attention. well they can!
but with the nip curtain, you no
longer have to suffer through
trying to hide your pointage with
one arm, while trying to adjust your
purse strap to fit over the other.
feel free to roam about the frozen
food aisle for hours, even though
you've already found you fill of lean
pockets.
i give you- freedom!
The russian guhzongas:
ladies, ladies, ladies, how many times have
you found yourself thinking
"gosh, i sure with i had myself a pair of huge
rockin' knockers."?
and we all know how costly surgery can be.
but now theres an all natural way to add a
few inches to those sweater puppets,
without taking inches away from your wallet.
just shove some extra hair in there and
you'll have the guys objectifying you in no
time!!!
you found yourself thinking
"gosh, i sure with i had myself a pair of huge
rockin' knockers."?
and we all know how costly surgery can be.
but now theres an all natural way to add a
few inches to those sweater puppets,
without taking inches away from your wallet.
just shove some extra hair in there and
you'll have the guys objectifying you in no
time!!!
The Faux incher:
now guys, don't think i left you out of this. i know
metal heads world wide have their hair grown out
for maximum head bangery. but why not put that
hair to good use off the stage? with the faux incher,
you're just a few smelly locks away from adding
length and girth to your meat market window. its
just as easy as putting your hand down your pants!!
(in the case of non-metal heads, or metal heads that
have sold out and cut off their locks of power, feel
free to use your girlfriends hair for some extra
bulge. the look of surprise on her face will be all the
permission you need when shes face to crotch with
results!)
metal heads world wide have their hair grown out
for maximum head bangery. but why not put that
hair to good use off the stage? with the faux incher,
you're just a few smelly locks away from adding
length and girth to your meat market window. its
just as easy as putting your hand down your pants!!
(in the case of non-metal heads, or metal heads that
have sold out and cut off their locks of power, feel
free to use your girlfriends hair for some extra
bulge. the look of surprise on her face will be all the
permission you need when shes face to crotch with
results!)
The pancake plumper:
for all those poor, poor people who lack an ass (like
myself) you've probably struggled with keeping your
pants up. you've probably thought "I would punch a
baby for a little rump repair."... i know i would!
well now theres no need to punch babies! (unless you
just really don't like kids)... (also like myself!)
with the pancake plumper, you're one itchy ass crack
away from finally looking good in slacks!
myself) you've probably struggled with keeping your
pants up. you've probably thought "I would punch a
baby for a little rump repair."... i know i would!
well now theres no need to punch babies! (unless you
just really don't like kids)... (also like myself!)
with the pancake plumper, you're one itchy ass crack
away from finally looking good in slacks!
The europit:
if you're like most americans, you think that
europe is the mother of fashion trends. well
fatty, now even you can be like the snootiest
of french women.
europe is the mother of fashion trends. well
fatty, now even you can be like the snootiest
of french women.
The yosemite sam:
now, i don't know about you
guys, but sometimes my
upper lip gets mighty
lonesome. its nice to know
that i too can molest children
to my heart's content!
thanks yosemite sam!!
guys, but sometimes my
upper lip gets mighty
lonesome. its nice to know
that i too can molest children
to my heart's content!
thanks yosemite sam!!
the merlin:
this beard is freakin' magical!!!
the trent reznor:
the ruffage:
These two can either be used to curb your appetite, and block out the sun while you try to sleep, or you can
venture to what can only be described as the freaky deaky.
venture to what can only be described as the freaky deaky.
the patch job:
....hee hee... "patch job"
the furry friend:
you're on the internet right now...
on a very, very nerdy website, and
you're almost done with a blog about
me doing stupid shit with my hair. all
this boils down to the fact that you
must not have that many friends. but
who needs friends when you can just
make your own?!?!
everyone, meet monique! she's
been around for longer than i'd care
to admit.
on a very, very nerdy website, and
you're almost done with a blog about
me doing stupid shit with my hair. all
this boils down to the fact that you
must not have that many friends. but
who needs friends when you can just
make your own?!?!
everyone, meet monique! she's
been around for longer than i'd care
to admit.
ok, thats it guys! do what you want with your fucking hair, i'm done talking about mine. hahaha, i'm sorry, but its
not easy to spend all that time lining everything up, and then come up with funny stuff to say when you're really
tired... i think most of those titles just sounded like sexual positions anyway... dear God, i don't wanna know what
getting a "yosemite sam" would be like when you think of it like that....
.... i have given out a few ruffages before- *wink wink*
not easy to spend all that time lining everything up, and then come up with funny stuff to say when you're really
tired... i think most of those titles just sounded like sexual positions anyway... dear God, i don't wanna know what
getting a "yosemite sam" would be like when you think of it like that....
.... i have given out a few ruffages before- *wink wink*
this is what my
hair looks like
now by the way.
its almost as
long, just
layered to
awesomeness.
some of the girls
at work say i
have mermaid
hair :)
also, my phone's
camera makes
me look like a
ghost... coast to
coast.
.... i have tiny
arms....
hair looks like
now by the way.
its almost as
long, just
layered to
awesomeness.
some of the girls
at work say i
have mermaid
hair :)
also, my phone's
camera makes
me look like a
ghost... coast to
coast.
.... i have tiny
arms....